transformation

I’m beginning to realize an essential perspective that, although I understood it a bit before, I’m now experiencing more fully. I’m talking about my attitude toward bringing transformation and being transformed myself.

Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself [or herself]”.

Many of us (myself included) who consider ourselves as bearers of good news, advocates for the oppressed, and people who empower others who are marginalized, often neglect our own need to be transformed despite our desperate need for it.

As I’ve written a bit about in past blog entries, even now in my “pre-action” stage of “being” in my slum community, I’ve realized my pride, resentment and feelings of entitlement. My experience so far has been positive and yet it’s been refining me and purging me in ways that are less than comfortable. I’m realizing my need for more attitudinal change. I’m beginning to grasp my need for ongoing, daily transformation that, in my opinion, will constantly be with me.

As a white, male American whose life has been characterized by affluence, power and resources, I need to be very careful how I view my self and others who are quite different from myself.

Maybe if people like me weren’t so careless or ignorant there would be less harsh ramifications for the poor in areas of increasing sea levels, environmental degradation, unjust labor conditions, inequality and the list goes on.

As I learn about the resource conservation, frugality, generosity, hospitality, creativity, values and worldview of my neighbors all around me, I’m the one convicted to learn and change my mindset and actions. My neighbors who have much less than me demonstrate joy and contentment while I try to keep my negative resentment from bubbling up. Sometimes I forget to laugh until my neighbors remind me. My neighbors are transforming me in many ways they’re not even aware of. Yes, I have something to offer, but I also have an invitation to receive and to be transformed. More than an invitation - it’s a must.

But don't I want to offer something? Yes. Am I trying to help others achieve a position of power and affluence and the exact standard of living that I’ve experienced? No. If that happened our world may run out of energy, oil and space next year! Empowerment or transformation does not mean the ability to consume more or to buy more and bigger things. We have to see beyond the tangibles that are often a mere shadow of reality.

So is my goal here to become malnourished, oppressed and abused like many in poverty situations? Is this the way I need to be transformed? No. Despite some possible perceptions of me being masochistic in my lifestyle choice of simplicity, that’s not the point. Part of the point of me being here is to break down unnecessary barriers between me and others for the sake of relationship, understanding, trust and solidarity. This may come with more sickness, discomfort and loneliness than otherwise, but I believe it's worth it. Learning to live simply in a poor community gives birth to relationship not only with neighbors, but it can also remove things that have a tendency to distract me from seeing God and seeking God. It can also teach me to be a better steward of God's gifts to me regarding finances and the environment. And when things like heat, noise and cross-cultural social and language fatigue set in, it forces me to ask God for rest and grace. Being in my community and getting to know my neighbors’ way of life is transforming me in small steps.

But I have a long way on the endless journey of being transformed until God’s kingdom comes. I’m only experiencing previews of what is to come in fullness. Pride and arrogance need to go. Some of the comforts I take for granted need to be put to the side. Change, or transformation needs to happen among communities in poverty, but also in the less tangible poverty situation of myself - in my spirit and attitude. I can chose to ignore my own brokenness and highlight the brokenness of others, or I can acknowledge that we are all broken people in need of healing from the Healer. And what better way to do this than in community, learning from one another as God speaks through people and situations.

Dare I say that my neighbors who are poor don’t need you or me any more than we need them on our journey of transformation.

And yet it is God who is using my neighbors who are poor to teach me, and God will use me also in some way. We are all broken people whom God can use to heal one another as he draws us to himself.

Yet my hope is that that you (if you follow Jesus) and I see deep within but also beyond our neighbors who are made in God’s image – that we see the One in whose image all are made and that we’ll seek God for ongoing transformation that one day will be made complete.